Trust/Worthy

 

I am not lying. Please, don't misunderstand me. I am just terrified and scared. All this is new to me. I have never been this far with anybody before. Everything is happening at once. All of it is spinning around me and I am just standing there staring at the churning wind. I have started shaking terribly again, it has gotten worse. It is visible now and I am scared. 

I know you will understand. This is an episode, this is me. Someone who longs for constant reassurance and affection. I know this is going to be excessively exhausting for you. I will make it all better, I promise. All I need is some time to settle. As soon as this shaking stops, we are in stable waters. 

I am seeing past a lot of you that I won't for anybody else. Yes, you are an exception. I am overhearing loud whispers of caution but I don't want to be stopped. Something is driving me towards you, pls stay true to my belief. Please be gentle with me.

Please be in clear waters as you walk towards me. In return, I promise I return every emotion as a crystal clear response. A response so bright, that your face lights up with a smile.

Till then, only assure me.

Can I trust you?

La La Feud? (unfigured/unuttered)

Wow, you are pulling away yet gain. 

Were those hours a mere makeup for this? 

Don't do this, it bothers my unsettling mind. This game of attraction and abandon that you are playing is costing me. All I have to say is that you can not speak the same language of intimacy (emotional) with two different people. Be honest, how many times did you expect certain answers from me but when I reverted they were absolutely poles apart.

Do whatever pleases your mind but know that, I may seem familiar but I am not what you think. There is more to me. A lot for you to discover. Maybe try thinking of me as an individual and not as a comparison. I know it might be difficult for you but I also know, you can. You very well can.

There's a side to me that you never knew. I am fragile and very sensitive. My lips will never let those words escape which I want you to know, because I have a heart that wants you to realise yourself. You'll have to look for those hints along the way and you HAVE been, effortlessly if I may say. I won't reveal much until I reach that level of trust with you, until my conscience would let me. It is not my ego but my fear of a stinging void that would make it all more miserable.

Oh, but you have been peaking over those walls of guards that I have lowered slightly. But then, suddenly, you look away and withdraw. Not really knowing that this idiot here will also withdraw as soon as she notices slight hints of abandonment. You may bother me as much as you wish but not once will I ever be a bother to you.

Clearing my stand herein, I only wish for a cute friendship. That's all and you very well know.

Unwavering loyalty, weird gossips, questionable theories, dumb conversations and many many long stories wait for you on this side of the walls. 

[I am not filling any void, today or ever. I will help you heal, I will walk along but please don't think of me as a replacement. That is the last thing I would want.] 

40%

 

It has shown up 40% at least. Still, wondering what that even was?

Whatever it was, I now know more, understand more and can think less. I would like to call this an introductory session for basics were revealed and advanced is yet to be known. This then is open to interpretation. 

What that even was?